I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
