I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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