She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have feelings that need drinking.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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