Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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