i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
