shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
