how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
