please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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