i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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