No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
