Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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