i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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