Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
