you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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