if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
