fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Are we still banned from the library?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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