Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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