I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
