The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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