Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
