I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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