One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
