Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
