I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My cat gives me a boner
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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