I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
