dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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