Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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