I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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