32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
