did you get engaged???
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize