Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
