it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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