I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
