i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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