Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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