Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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