I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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