so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
