i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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