Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize