I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
