Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
