3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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