Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
