hell yes lets make some ravioli
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
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