someone owes me an orgasm
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
