i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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