he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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