She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
