Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
