i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
