i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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