Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
