So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
