Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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