New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
