I faked an abortion last night.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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