I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
