and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
