yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
